After ITC, Day 2

Am still in the mood of ITC and it's very hard for me to switch, tomorow I have exam and still didnt open the book to prepare. Erkan ignores me fully, that hurts me so much, although I understand that sometimes was guilty myself, anyway, we'll see what life brings to us.
Having a strange feeling of being ill, cant understand am I or am I not, feeling weakness, today had nightmares whole night through, where was killed at the end and woke up in cold sweat. Not funny at all.
Still I wanna write here what conclusions came to my mind when I was sitting on the seaside at 21.04 before last ITC party alone and reflecting.
1. I'm shy
2. I'm comitted to @ very much
3. I'm full of energy
4. I love Erkanim, whatever happens, wanna be with him
5. Gabiza kruta
6. Olya Naumova -> free to improve and opened. Voobshem toje kruta:)
7. I'm workaholic
8. I AM result-oriented
9. I should work at myself how to cooperate with other non-@ world
10. I am active-learner
11. I miss Katya very often and wanna share with with her
12. Meta-cognition is a cool tool
13. Am I a right person for X? Whom can I become? VP PD? LCP? MCP? PAI? <- Do I need that???
14. I wanna apply for NTT
15. Do I really wanna to A MC?
16. Sometimes I am afraid to share with unfamiliar people
17. When I say positive approach - am I authentic, am I fair with myself?
18. I lie to Erkan sometimes. WHY???
19. It's cool to be authentic. I should do positive approach my 2nd nature
20. I'm sticky to ddl, outlines etc, but others not... Why? Accountability. Is it good?
21. I can make others happy, at least my circle of concern. I am able to touch others' heart.
22. I became less sensitive
23. I am revolutioner...
24. I feel out...I need attention and love...I wanna be with Erkan...
I was sitting and writing my random thoughts into my learning log when Gabiza came up from behind and said that it's plenary time...The stream of my thoughts that I can hardly understand myself and that became the essense of ITC couldnt be continued after...Cause that I though when I was in, still there...
Mostly of you cant probably understand a word of what is written here...It's no problem..
By the way: Irka, Lenka and others who read this blog and use icq. My icq having problems and my contact list was somehow deleted, so pls write me your icq number either in sms or write me icq msg that I can add you.