Integrity - 5

I was just thinking what does it mean to be honest with people, and what does it mean to show your intergrity.
Many people are laughing at me or reproach me of being too honest sometimes, but what does it mean too honest?
Sometimes we just tell to the people what they dont wanna hear(although it's truth), and is it the way how to show our integrity? Is it how the Bilble prescribed us to do by saying: Do not lie...
I was thinking of it a few days ago and I realised that there are 2 ways of showing your intergrity: positive and negative....
For example, I liked the boy and he doesnt know I liked him and I try to be sensire and honest and tell to him about that, without lie, that's the positive side, but if somebody did something not well, or we didntlike something or somebody and we come up to this person and say I have nothing to hide from you: you are so..so so.... and I dont like that and so on....
Is it the thing we call integrity? Is it really needed and what will bring to us and to this person...The possible result we all know...And it'll not be the best... It's just the lack of empathy ( we dont care how the person will feel or think) and when we say that we are so proud of ourselves of being sensire... What forwe need that negative integrity? and do we really need it?
I realised it on wednesday evening, and I myself behaved not once in this way, even by writing this blog... And I started to observe my little lyings and truth what I say....
I told to Erkan about my plan to go to Austria, I watched the movie "nothing but the truth", the teenagers comedy, but it touched me till the heart...
Being sensire to people really brings you much, but if you are sensire in the positive way,
I have again the problems with visa, as I wanted to go to Conference in Austria, but the Consul called me for interview, I have a week and my mum told me to prepare, but I will not...
What do I have to hide? Nothing.... I'll just tell him the truth and let it be his decision....
Truth rules...
We'll see if it is right ;)

After the Congress

I became 23...
And I didn't apply for my 2 priority countries...
Cause am so weak?
Cause am dreaming of something better?
Cause I am afraid?
Katya was right saying that you need to be very strong person to apply, perhaps I am thinking too much?
Got so many sms and skype-msn messages before the deadline... Did you apply? Did you apply? Filled in application... and what? Hand is to weak to press "send" button, and with it to ruin my 3.5 year relations..
Are they alive still? Don't know... How can you be aware of it not seeing a person for 5 months, and quarelling with every phone call?
I made deadline for myself, the begining of February, that will be the month of changes, then I will make my decision. Upset cause of lost opportunities, hoping for the better...
University is forgotten by me... Big problems are coming, but I don't care somehow, feelings just overcome... I can't be productive...
NatCo was great, the best national conference of my 4 I attended...
I learned much of that, we do learn much of challenges...
Changed the attitude to many people, really to the good and positive, Nastya was right, everybody should forgive, and yet, we in AIESEC never mean to hurt, even if we do...
Celebrated my birthday in cold Siberia, thank you guys for congratulations ;)
Many people laugh at me for my way of communication with people, either I do love them either they are not in the best situation ;) At this Congress I loved people...
Vika gave me a lot of positive and nice time like every time I meet her. Really amazing person...
My team was also great and all that people at this conference made really an impact on me.. I returned from there really like from the other world.
To the world of reality, family, relations and university...
And made the decision to not apply for the whole year of being out of reality and enjoying the things...
Why?