After the Congress

I became 23...
And I didn't apply for my 2 priority countries...
Cause am so weak?
Cause am dreaming of something better?
Cause I am afraid?
Katya was right saying that you need to be very strong person to apply, perhaps I am thinking too much?
Got so many sms and skype-msn messages before the deadline... Did you apply? Did you apply? Filled in application... and what? Hand is to weak to press "send" button, and with it to ruin my 3.5 year relations..
Are they alive still? Don't know... How can you be aware of it not seeing a person for 5 months, and quarelling with every phone call?
I made deadline for myself, the begining of February, that will be the month of changes, then I will make my decision. Upset cause of lost opportunities, hoping for the better...
University is forgotten by me... Big problems are coming, but I don't care somehow, feelings just overcome... I can't be productive...
NatCo was great, the best national conference of my 4 I attended...
I learned much of that, we do learn much of challenges...
Changed the attitude to many people, really to the good and positive, Nastya was right, everybody should forgive, and yet, we in AIESEC never mean to hurt, even if we do...
Celebrated my birthday in cold Siberia, thank you guys for congratulations ;)
Many people laugh at me for my way of communication with people, either I do love them either they are not in the best situation ;) At this Congress I loved people...
Vika gave me a lot of positive and nice time like every time I meet her. Really amazing person...
My team was also great and all that people at this conference made really an impact on me.. I returned from there really like from the other world.
To the world of reality, family, relations and university...
And made the decision to not apply for the whole year of being out of reality and enjoying the things...
Why?